Ninja vs. Killer Tomato


First off, stealth is very important when tracking down a Killer Tomato. This particular tomato we are tracking down now is of the garden variety, very dangerous indeed. Hide behind anything you can find to avoid being spotted by the crazy red bastard. 

After several hours of careful observation of the nasty veggie’s habits, you should be able to find a weakness. Get ready to make your move. Speed is of the essence, and a slow ninja can be a dead ninja. Be Careful! 

Just about got him…. Crap! The red bastard has quickly jumped up to great heights to avoid attack. What’s the Killer Tomato doing now??? 

Holy Crap! Watch out for the crazy tomato! The Killer Tomato strikes quickly, without any sort of notice. This is one tough tomato. Even the best trained ninja have bad days, but the battle is not over. 

The strike of the Killer Tomato is deadly, hence their name, but ninja are too strong to lose to such a bastard. After such an attack the Killer Tomato will need to regroup itself. This is the time to strike! 

Quickly roll back up to a fighting position and pull out your very best shuriken (also known as a “ninja star” to the lesser ninja). This will help stun the insane vegetable long enough for you to make your stealthy ninja move. 

Direct hit! Now get your kusari-gama (every ninja should have one) and run at the red bastard with all your ninja might. Move silent and move quickly! 

Once you get ’em, whack him again and again with your kasari-gama. Keep whacking until the tomato stops moving. You may even whack it with a lead pipe if you so desire…just for good measure. 

Don’t be fooled by a well trained tomato, gardens and fridges everywhere are full of these mighty bastards. Just to be sure this tomato will not strike back, tie it up with the chain on your kusari-gama. 

While the tomato is tied up and defenseless, pull out your ninja sword for the final move. Make sure you are in a cool ninja stance when trying this at home, it makes all the difference. 

Now, with the vegetable laying there paralyzed, swing your sword with all your ninja might at its heart! 

Make sure to cut deep. Tomatoes are notorious for healing quickly, and then seeking out revenge on their would-be killers. Don’t let it happen to you. 

If you have followed along and done the technique properly, you should now have a completely gutted tomato at your feet. I know it’s ugly, but it’s better the tomato than you. It gets easier. 


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