Cold Hard Ninja Facts

Ninja don’t often need to write things down. But when they do it is only permissible to write with the blood of an enemy. Or a cat.

Ninja don’t sweat. Not even during ninja sex. Ever.

Ninja vs. Samurai

Ninja vs. Samurai

Bullets can’t kill a ninja. Even 1 million bullets can not kill a ninja.

The Fart of a Ninja is a million times deadlier than the venom of a rattlesnake. With the right wind conditions, a single fart could wipe out a small village.

Ninja invented skateboarding. Not even to do tricks, just to kill time in between killing.

Only a ninja can kill a ninja. Regular humans are useless against a ninja.

Ninja never wear headbands with the word “ninja” printed on them. This is a lie from Hollywood.

Ninja can breath underwater anytime they want.

Ninja can change complete wardrobes in less than 1 second.

Ninja don’t smoke, but they do use smoke bombs.

Ninja always land on their feet. If they don’t have feet they will land on their nubs.

Ninja invented the internet. All of it.

Ninja don’t eat or drink very much, and they never have to go to the bathroom.

Ninja always move to America when making a new start as a non-assassin.

Ninja don’t play sports. Unless killing is a sport. They always win.

Ninja can crush golf balls with 2 fingers, any two fingers.

Ninja don’t lose. Ever.

Ninja lie all the time. Even when the truth serves better, ninja will lie anyway.

Ninja swords are always straight with a square handle guard. Always. Curves are for sissies.

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