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COLD HARD NINJA FACTS!
  • Ninja don't often need to write things down. But when they do it is only permissible to write with the blood of an enemy. Or a cat.


  • Ninja don't sweat. Not even during ninja sex. Ever.


  • Bullets can't kill a ninja. Even 1 million bullets can not kill a ninja.


  • The Fart of a Ninja is a million times deadlier than the venom of a rattlesnake. With the right wind conditions, a single fart could wipe out a small village.


  • Ninja invented skateboarding. Not even to do tricks, just to kill time in between killing.


  • Only a ninja can kill a ninja. Regular humans are useless against a ninja.


  • Ninja never wear headbands with the word "ninja" printed on them. This is a lie from Hollywood.


  • Ninja can breath underwater anytime they want.


  • Ninja can change complete wardrobes in less than 1 second.


  • Ninja don't smoke, but they do use smoke bombs.


  • Ninja always land on their feet. If they don't have feet they will land on their nubs.


  • Ninja invented the internet. All of it.


  • Ninja don't eat or drink very much, and they never have to go to the bathroom.


  • Ninja always move to America when making a new start as a non-assassin.


  • Ninja don't play sports. Unless killing is a sport. They always win.


  • Ninja can crush golf balls with 2 fingers, any two fingers.


  • Ninja don't lose. Ever.


  • Ninja lie all the time. Even when the truth serves better, ninja will lie anyway.


  • Ninja swords are always straight with a square handle guard. Always. Curves are for sissies.
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